Has lost the ability to vomit. Has lost the ability to swell vibrant. Has lost the ability to kill with grey eyes. Has lost the ability to disco fingertips. Has lost the ability to tear open; to touch blood. Has lost the ability to smile. The ink is dry. Has lost the ability to sway with pride. Has lost the ability to devour. Has lost the ability to sing lullaby to the lorn lovers. Has lost the ability to blink. Has lost the ability to flow mercury. Has lost the ability to speak. Has cut the tongue. Is bleeding. Is blood. Is touch. Is carnal. Is good. Is horrific. Is blasphemous. Is comfort. Is brimming ego. Is whipping self. Is not slashing wrists. Is gold-polished nails. Is orange fire. Is singing in the wind. Wind through her hair. It blows. It blows. I scream. It blows. It feels faint. It feels fatal. It feels like tears. It feels like dagger. Is cold. Is not grey. Is black. Love black. Black love. Real. Mirage. Mirage be life. life be where? Be alcohol. Be restraint. Be alive. Be alive. Don't give up. Keep head up. Be alive. Tickle. Be alive. Try. Be alive. Invisible. Hidden. Lost. Smile. Smile. Laugh. Go on don't be afraid. Be afraid.
Afraid. So afraid. So scared. Coiling in corner. Heart shrivels. Shrinks. Mind numbs. Hides. Will not smile. Will hide. Inside the closet. Safe. Dark. Happy. It is warm. It is comfortable. Where are your arms? I cut them away. I thew them away. It smells foul. It smells like rage. It smells like scream. It smells like slap. Your severed eye. My severed smile. It feels like deceit. It feels like a slut. It feels like trash sex. It feels not divine. It feels like rapture. To spit raw. To caress. To seduce. To stamp. To kiss poison. Chewing. Smelling. Swallowing. Swallowing your agony. To drink your spite. Revulsion. Repulsive. You. Yes, Repulsive. Hatred. Too easy? hatred. hatred. No? Not easy? Disgust. Loath. Loathe. Slash. Affirmative. Swallow your angry. Lap up your pride. Kick it. Slice it. Glare and roast. It flames like the furnace. It is beautiful. It is elegant. She is. She is divine. Angel of lust.
Painting: de*, 2006, Anu Agarwal, Oil on canvas
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