Another Untitled

I hate her. Why does she have to disagree with everything I ever say? Maybe I hate her because I feel threatened by her. But maybe she disagrees with me on even the most inconsequential things because she feels threatened by me. Yes, I think she feels threatened by me; and me, her. We are so similar, in so many ways and yet so different. I hate her because she is free. She hates me because I am not. She hates me because I have already accomplished what she aspires to - I hate her because she still can accomplish in so many ways that I never will be able to.

There is camaraderie, but there is also hate buried within. I smile at her and so does she. It is pretentious. Of course, we both own plastic lips. Yes I hate her. But I also admire her and aspire to be like her. I see in her a reflection to my own past... the youth I have long lost... I don't hate many people. I dislike a few and hate fewer. But I clearly hate this stranger for reasons I am still trying to fathom why... I feel uncomfortable in her presence. It is as though a dormant part of my heart suddenly wakes up to question me about my lost youth. 'Where is the fun person you lost?', a hushed voice in my head prods me. A shiver runs down my spine.

I try to be a nice, but, she never really reciprocates. So, I'll assume that she hates me before I hate her. I'll tell myself that she started it. Why does she hate me, but? I always thought I was nice. I'll never know why she hates me. But I'd like to assume she feels threatened as well. There isn't another reason really.

I sometimes wonder if the fact that we share our birthdays have anything to do with this...