Twilight thoughts

It is 4:23 am. I am looking at 60 screenshots taken from approximately 5 minutes of film footage. It feels like my undergraduate days. It feels good to analyse film in this detail again. I haven't done it in a long time. In the last two years, I've analysed film commercially. For money. It was work. Now I am back to analysing film in its entirety. It feels good. I also realise how much I've been omitting in terms of analysis when I reviewed films commercially. How my thought process still needs to go a long way. I feel good writing this essay. There is so much work to be done...

Like Robert Frost said,

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

What is all this education worth? Will I be able to make something worthwhile out of it? It scares me. I am accountable to the world. I have been given an opportunity and hence I feel accountable to my country. I was one of the few chosen ones. I feel like I have to shoulder the expectations of the entire nation. I fear I will let them down.

I have always felt I was born to do different things. Greater things. I knew this when I was as young as three years old. I stood first in the first ever examination I faced in my life. I have a very hazy memory of my grandfather telling me that I would accomplish things that nobody else would. I believed in him then and I believe in him now. He still says the same thing.

Today, 21 years later, I could be closer to doing that. But uncertainty clouds my head. I feel the pressure. Pressure from myself. I wonder whether I will be able to cope up with it all. I want to give back to my country. For giving me this opportunity. For educating me. For giving me all these experiences in my life.

I want to feel as optimistic as I do today when I am faced with doubt. When I am faced with all the trials and tribulations that I know I will soon face. I need the strength.